Pondering

           For the last two years or so, I have really been struggling in identifying what my major should be in college. In the past four years, I have gone from studying Surgical Technology, to Centrile sterile Technology, to Intercultural Studies, and to now Psychology with a minor in Counseling. I do not think that I have been this confused in a really long time! However, through all of these major changes, I have learned two things in particular... patience and how to keep an open mind. I am the kind of person who wants to do many things. I never knew that I could make so many changes in such a short period of time, but God knew and had already planned it that way before I even entered this world. When I think about how God has already planned my entire life out, many emotions come to mind such as; fear, curiosity, excitement, and anxiousness.

       I have fear because I am the kind of person who likes to know what is going to happen before going into something. I like to be prepared! Unfortunately, in some situations in life, that's not possible. For instance, losing people unexpectantly through tragedy, going off to college, getting a job... all of which I am dealing with currently! I am also afraid of failing in life, not meeting expectations, and ending up not happy. However, I am curious to see what all God has planned! But with that curiosity comes being anxious and many unanswered questions about my life so far such as; why did my biological mom choose drugs over me? Why did my daddy have to die? Why does God allow people to suffer? Will I be healed of my depression before I get to heaven? Will I get to adopt "my boys" from Guatemala? Have I met my future husband? What is my purpose in life? Am I ever going to live up to God's expectations? Just to name a few. 

       I am excited for the many challenges ahead! I am excited for the friendships, I am excited for the adventure, and I am excited to see where God leads me! 

        All the while, while I am struggling to keep moving most days, God's voice is ever present. While I may still not know my calling, God's light is guiding me on. May He guide you on as well!

 "Be still and know that I am God."

-God's Child